Wow, I really have been unhappy underneath everything throughout high school. I forget that. Even during the Kevin times I was unhappy. I just found old writings from that time period where I talked about being depressed and unhappy with no reason. 

I used to write letters to other people. I used to push everyone else back up. 

Now I want the letters. 

I don’t want the push though. I kinda like dwelling down here. 

I felt like crying but nothing came out. It was just a sort of sad sickness, sick sad, when you can’t feel any worse. I think you know it. I think everybody knows it now and then. But I think I have known it pretty often, too often.
— Charles Bukowski, Tales of Ordinary Madness (via dancinguponthearchitecture)